Sex can be great for relieving stress but it can also be confusing, leaving some perplexed as to what all the fuss is about. The confusion could be because most of us are doing it wrong, according to one sex advice influencer.

It’s normal to wonder about our sexual performance, even those in long-term relationships.

And now one expert has warned we’ve all been having sex wrong all this time.

Sexologist Jessica Garner shared her insights on the sexual ’poking pandemic’.

“The poking pandemic is my way of describing how the entire world is having sex incorrectly because of a combination of porn and circumcision," she explained.

“We all have the exact same bodies with the exact same parts, they’re just arranged a bit differently in the womb.

“There is only one sex organ, we all have it.

“You either got an innie sex organ (a clitoris), an outtie sex organ (a penis), or an in betweenie sex organ (also known as intersex or Diverse Sex Development DSD)."

Jessica went on: “Sex in itself just means stimulating your sex organ with yourself or others.

“Sex is not just sticking the penis into the vagina.

“This is why you can have sex with yourself or others, and this is how people with the same type of sex organ can have sex with each other.

“People, however, are often taught that having sex and making a baby are the same thing, but they are not."

She continued: “For most of the time, people have sex for reasons like to feel good, relieve stress, or spend quality time solo or with others."

But many of us are learning sex tips from watching porn, and this in turn leads to our ’poking’ problem, according to Garner.

“The problem is that porn is entertainment and does not show what sex actually looks like or how to do it," she pointed out

“Watching porn to learn how to have sex is like trying to learn how to drive by watching The Fast And The Furious."

Circumcised penises

Too many of us are learning our sexual techniques from porn (Image: Getty Images)
Men who have been circumcised occasionally report reduced sensations during sex.

“The men have to compensate for the lack of foreskin - which provides a stroking sensation to the penis while it is inside the vagina - by lengthening their stroke while thrusting. This takes their body away from making contact with the woman’s body during sex - which is called high-friction sex, or what I have come to call poking,” adds Garner.

“When a man is intact, sexual intercourse between a man and a woman looks like dry humping sans clothes.”

When asked the million-dollar question on how are we supposed to be having sex, Garner answered: “It is a parallel motion of weighted rubbing against each other.

“What people are doing, though, is either to compensate for the lack of foreskin or because they’re imitating what they’ve seen in porn, which is vigorously sticking the penis in out in out in out of the vagina, slamming into each other in a perpendicular movement.

“As a result, the woman’s clit is receiving little to no contact or stimulation during the act.”

Worried women and frustrated men
As for women, many have “come to think they’re broken because the poking feels like nothing", Jessica said.

“And the women who claim they can orgasm from their vagina being poked don’t realise or know that the orgasm is still coming from their sex organ, even if it’s being stimulated indirectly through the vagina.

“Men feel frustrated and hopeless because they’re aiming for the vagina, completely ignoring the clitoris or don’t realise they should be treating it exactly the same way they’d like their own sex organ treated."

An anonymous couple make love under a duvet, the woman on top.
Having sex the right way will breathe life back intoto your sex life (Image: Getty Images)
Garner refers to it as a pandemic because “a lot of women think they’re broken and a lot of men think women have a legitimate design flaw".

“The worst part is that even men who are intact and still have their foreskin are now overriding their natural instinct to rub and are poking, because that’s what they see in porn.”

According to Garner it’s about getting back to the basics: dry humping.

How to have perfect sex
The perfect sex technique looks a little different from what we’re used to, according to the expert.

“Remove your clothes, insert once, and - while maintaining weighted pressure with your hips, hump.

“Think of the movement more like your hips are a bottle opener flipping off a bottle cap. Stop thinking of it like a piston going in and out.