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He once disclosed that he was abused sexually when he was a young boy but I always tell him to get over it and start living again.

Q: I have been married to my husband (Sugar Mutima) for four years, and he is everything that I desire in a spouse except that he has not been interested in sex for quite some time. Gradually, it has become worse and I am at the point where I feel no desire for him anymore! I feel that I have tried everything to make things better.

I am 33 and feel like I am missing out on an important part of my life. I don’t want a roommate / best friend; I want a lover who desires me. He once disclosed that he was abused sexually when he was a young boy but I always tell him to get over it and start living again. I understand that the issue is his but the effect that it has on me makes it as my problem. I hope that you can offer some advice.

A: Thank you for your question. I can sense a lot of dissatisfaction caused by your husband’s sexual disinterest. Sex is an expression of love and devotion and when a couple doesn’t realise its importance, the chances of divorce are very high.

This situation could be due to his past life, sickness, marriage issues or disinterest in the relationship. Since you still love your husband as you indicate in the letter, it is important therefore to assess the situation and check what could be the cause of this before making a decision of moving out of the marriage. Due to the sensitivity of this issue, dialogue can only be effective through a proper approach lest your husband refuses to open up. I would suggest that you start by affirming your love for him regardless of his situation and assure him that you are ready to listen to him no matter how sensitive his problems are.

Unconditional L